Article in bytes category.

I’m Your Worst Nightmare

You're doing user testing and I'm here to drive you insane. You've engineered a fantastic new product and all I want to know is why…

Bytes aims to offer you a small laugh break in your busy day in front of the computer inventing the next big thing.

You're doing user testing and I'm here to disrupt your sanity. Oh yeah. I'm the person your user-profiles deck warned you about. You've engineered an incredible product that breaks all the rules and reimagines what technology can do for us, and now I want to know why you changed the logo, because I liked the old one. Is there any way to change it back? You've poured your heart into your startup but guess what, the world is made up of people like me. People who have reams of face-indexed cat photos on their phone and need 99% saturation of their friendship groups to consider joining your social network.

Have you met me? I'm your worst nightmare.

Here Is a List of My Worst Tech Habits

I screenshot people's feeds to share posts through iMessage.

lmao expand this image so you can get the full screenshot experience of this app I was in.

users conversing in instagram message feature using snapshot of instagram messages
If you aren't sending screenshots of other messages are you really messaging?

I call my phone my "Instagram computer."

Why is Instagram ringing?

I have three apps that turn my phone into a remote control.

My phone is a mouse and I'm mind blown. This is Steve Jobs' true legacy.

If I could invent my own app, it would just be a way to fit more wallpapers of my dog on my phone.

What if there was a screen between locked and unlocked.

users who keep remote control apps on their phones in the entertainment folder
Yes I filed it under Entertainment

I have six photo editing apps but only use the ones with pink pastel filters.

I'm here for Gingham, everyone else can take a seat.

I got a 7 Plus and I've broken the screen twice, but no, I don't want a case.

Unless that case is made out of delicate rose-gold metal and glass.

I use the back camera for selfies because I believe the front-facing camera is a vast conspiracy by chin-contouring creams.

I'll get us in the frame, just give me a couple more tries.

I use Safari bookmarks as a to-read list.

I also like to snapshot URLs.

I haven't synced with iTunes since March 2016, and just add and delete songs from my library by downloading on 4G.

I thought I "disliked" U2 already, iTunes, y u keep playing the post-2000 nonsense?

I use Google email drafts as Google Docs, and Google Docs as a clipboard for screenshots I've taken.

The second draft is when I email the draft and then reply to myself.

user album of screenshots in iphoto
My favorite note-taking app, e-reader, photo editing program, and feed is all the Screenshots folder

If an app asks me to log in using Facebook, I close the app, sell all my belongings, and move to a new city.

No thanks.

When my free trial ends, I delete the app. 

And cancel my credit card just to be sure.

I have 14 unlistened-to podcasts in my library and I'm writing you a letter asking why my battery life and storage are so poor.

I left my phone plugged into a charger for 14 hours, what gives.

I for one am excited about FaceID.

I'm running out of room for passwords in my camera roll.

No, I won't be buying the iPhone X, don't @ me.

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